Late to the party: V Day

So I wrote this last week, but it sat in my drafts, all lonely and (accidentally) forgotten. I share it with you today.

Ahh, Valentine's Day. If you're in a relationship, congrats. You've got yourself a date. If not,

Maybe next year?

You're still beautiful!

I can't understand why.

Give your heart to Jesus and he'll give you someone great.

Who needs a relationship?

Enjoy being single while you can.

The fundamental flaw in our relationship-obsessed society is the assumption that by  not being Facebook Official (do people even do that anymore?) you are missing some part of you, like a limb. 

A relationship is not a solution. In fact, I'd propose (get it?) that a Boy or a Girl telling you that you are valuable and beautiful and loved should be a confirmation of what you already know. 

I am not more single today than I was yesterday. Even further, being in a relationship will not mean that I am loved more than I was before, it will mean that I am loved by another person.

All that being said, sitting in a restaurant on Valentine's, drinking my coffee with just me and my thoughts as I have done many times, somehow left me feeling more alone than before. 

I tend to live in a little boat in a great big ocean of feelings. When I'm happy, I'm on top of the world, and when I dip low, I'm low. Just like an ocean, those emotions can change within minutes.

One moment I'm sitting there feeling sorry for myself, the next, I'm about to burst into tears, the next, I realize how silly I'm being, then I climb up to anger at how society often emphasizes romantic love as the only love that matters, and then I rise even further, knowing that today is not my future, today is no different than any other day, and damn, I have a lot of awesome friends. 

My cousin Rachel made bacon roses for her husband, and told me my eyeliner was pretty (read: she's awesome) my friend Chelsea is gentle and loves fiercely. My friend Ginger is multi-talented and fun and nerdy, my friend Candace is brilliant and dreams big, my friend Jonas is curious and loves pushing boundaries. There's Sam who is funny and crazy passionate, Angela who is quirky and graceful, Nagela who is a breath of fresh air, Christina who is kind and insightful.

These people love me, and I love them. 

A relationship does not fix something that is broken; a long term relationship is not the answer to insecurity. Emotional baggage does not go away when you hand it to another person for safekeeping. 

When you hand your fears and troubles to your partner, you make that person your idol. When they trip and fall, (and they will) your baggage will still be there, laying on the ground. 

I could end this with a poetic punch about how you should leave your insecurities with Jesus, but I hope you already know that. I could also end this with a cute little bit about how Jesus Is My Forever Valentine, but I'll spare you. 

I will, however, leave you with this: I am confident, I am passionate, I am intelligent, and I still struggle. Singleness is it's own special gift, and it's own unique burden, one that I am bearing with some modicum of grace, I hope. If that changes, I'll let you know, but for now, I'm happy with where I'm at, for better or for worse. 

I'm my own freaking valentine, and that's okay with me.