Something new.

I take a breath and light a candle. 

I revel in the freedom and clarity that Christ has given me. 

Light filters down the steps of my fire escape.

Cold chills swirl on the street below, nipping at ankles and grinning as they run away.

It is the end of a year, one laden with heartbreak and promise, tears from sadness, of laughter and joy. I can say with certainty that I am sad to see this past year go, and equally excited with the hope of what tomorrow brings.

This past year was so messy and it was so, so beautiful. At the end of 2013, I am left with the wise words of Paul, words becoming a part of my foundation like ivy, climbing through the cracks of broken cement.

[God]

My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. (2 Cor 12:9)

At some point, I allowed my identity to be found in the things that I could do. It shouldn't have been there; it was a lie that I let take root and grow: your value is in what you do. People will like you if you help them. I set up friendships based off of what I could give, instead of love for the simple reason of love. I allowed insecurities dictate my actions and choices, I allowed lies that were whispered in my ear to take hold, and ignite worry and shame and fear. 

God is blowing out those flames, and lighting a new candle. A new candle that smells of mint and hope. I am reveling in grace, grace given and never taken away; a grace that has nothing to do with, and everything to do with me.  This grace is the sun, whereas I thought of grace as person, loving, but limited. I believe in the sun when it is not shining. The sun is always there, always glowing, always burning, even in the darkest of places, when we think we have lost all light.

There is nothing that I can do that will separate me from God, and in the same stream, there is nothing that I can do that will make God love me more. His love knows no limits, which means there was no beginning, and there is no end. His love is ever present and unchanging. I forgot that. 

This upcoming year will begin something new.