Dirty Laundry: The One Where I Am Worn Thin.

I did not grow up in a home where women were oppressed, nor a church environment where women were outright silenced, though you could probably find evidence if you looked.

I have a promise ring. I went to Bible studies, and was told to dress modestly as to keep my Brothers In Christ from Stumbling. I'd even heard the "threat" that I should behave myself with a boy, because one day he would be somebody's HUSBAND and I would be somebody's WIFE and you shouldn't kiss a PRACTICALLY MARRIED PERSON.

There is validity in reminding someone to respect certain boundaries when they are young. There is wisdom in dressing appropriate to your age. The problem with these ideas is that when executed as a spiritual "threat," they instill fear, alter one's decision making, and make purity and modesty about everyone EXCEPT you, and your heart.

Can you imagine fearing intimacy (even holding hands) within relationships because-it-might-not-work-out? Can you imagine saying no to a flattering piece of clothing because a MAN might find it attractive on you? Did you know that your shirt mightalmostdefinitely cause a BROTHER IN CHRIST to LUST AFTER YOU?

I'm tired of purity, modesty, and sexuality being tied up in other people. The problem with "modesty" is that there is not a one-size-fits-all rule. No two people are the same, no two cultures are the same, and when see from different perspectives, we will never be able to agree on one standard, not really.

I am tired of modesty being the yoke of women, particularly girls. I am tired of being told that I must make my clothing choices with other people in mind, I am tired of telling girls that their identity is based upon what other people think of them. I'm tired of telling girls that they are not somebody until somebody loves them.

Let's rally women and men to celebrate their innate humanness; the "in God's image"part of their identity. Let's teach our children that they should set examples in their speech, dress, and lifestyle because they are valuable, and their bodies are works of art. Not because they will ever be giving something away, but because it was given to them. No one has freckles where they do. No one has the same birthmark, or the same eyes.

Let's wash away the lies. Let's wash away the false promises that total purity will mean a 0% chance of a marriage failing, or even being strong in the first place. Celebrate with one another. Love each other. And let's set our "modest is hottest" shirts out to dry. 

***

The Dirty Laundry Series will be an ongoing group of posts about the loveliest, trickiest subjects I can think of.